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| #81 :: Post by Eternal Quest
on January 21 2010 13:23:59 |
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I wondered why the cricket ball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. |
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Eternal Quest
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| #82 :: Post by JackSpade
on January 21 2010 18:47:06 |
Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:
"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Dave."
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:
"Dave... Dave... Dave, you sick bastard. You're a vet." |
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JackSpade
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| #83 :: Post by JackSpade
on January 21 2010 19:22:16 |
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A bloke wakes up in the middle of the night and rolls over and shoves an aspirin down his wife's throat. All of a sudden she wakes up and yells, "What the fuck are you doing?" "Just giving you an aspirin for your headache." The bloke answered." But I ain't got a headache," she yelled back." Good then, Lets fuck!" said the bloke. |
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| #84 :: Post by Eternal Quest
on February 10 2010 12:48:47 |
Why does Snoop Dog need an umbrella?
Fo drizzle. |
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Eternal Quest
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| #85 :: Post by JackSpade
on February 12 2010 00:50:11 |
One day three monks were told by the minister that today was their day off, to do whatever they want, and at the end of the day, god would forgive them of their sins.
The monks thought this sounded like a good idea so they went off into the city.
At the end of the day the three monks returned to the church and the minister greeted them.
The first monk came up, and the minister asked, "What did you do today". The monk replied "I robbed an off-license."
"Good" the minister replied. "Go and drink from the holy water".
The second monk came up and the minister asked the same question. "I vandalised a primary school" he answered.
"Good" the minister replied. "Go and drink from the holy water".
The third monk stepped up and the minister repeated "and what did you do today". "I pissed in the holy water", came the reply. |
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| #86 :: Post by Eternal Quest
on June 18 2010 16:46:22 |
Two married couples go away on holiday together. The two husbands, Paul and Dave decide to try and get their wives to swap for one night. Amazingly they agree!
Paul knows full well that his missus is on the rag, so he thinks he's got one up on Dave. They agree that at breakfast the next morning, they'll tap they're spoon on the table however many times they shagged the other one's missus. The next morning, Paul grins and taps the table twice. Dave stops, thinks, then taps his spoon once on the jam, and three times on the nutella. |
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Eternal Quest
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| #87 :: Post by Eternal Quest
on June 18 2010 16:48:59 |
A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter.
He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was. The students laughed. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
"Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else, the small stuff.
"If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
But then a student then took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full.
The moral of this tale is: no matter how full your life is, there is always room for beer. |
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