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Jokes Thread #1 :: Post by Eternal Quest on October 12 2007 04:58:14 A fella walks into his marital bedroom with an inflatable sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I f*ck when you're not here". His wife said, "I think you'll find it's a sheep". "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep" was the reply. Original Junkee n lovin it www.soundcloud.co...rnal-quest Send PMMSNWebsite	Eternal Quest Senior Therapist / Admin Posts: 825 Joined: 10.10.07 Location: UK

#2 :: Post by Eternal Quest on October 12 2007 04:59:56 What's blue and shags grannies? SID and his lucky blue jacket. Original Junkee n lovin it www.soundcloud.co...rnal-quest Send PMMSNWebsite	Eternal Quest Senior Therapist / Admin Posts: 825 Joined: 10.10.07 Location: UK

#3 :: Post by Eternal Quest on October 12 2007 05:03:48 A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me." Confused, the father asked what was wrong. The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech." "At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech." "When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech." "If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for." Original Junkee n lovin it www.soundcloud.co...rnal-quest Send PMMSNWebsite	Eternal Quest Senior Therapist / Admin Posts: 825 Joined: 10.10.07 Location: UK

#4 :: Post by Eternal Quest on October 12 2007 05:11:16 A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets. He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish. "Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes" answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?" The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it. "Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so," says the executioner, "that's never happened before." The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas. The bloke is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the executioner. "Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?" says the condemned man The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go. Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to the chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling. "What's your final wish ?" asks the executioner. "Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch? The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark. "I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you can still be alive after all that?" He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana isn't it" he asked. Nahh" said the bloke, "I'm just a really bad conductor" Sorry for such a bad punch line after all that XD made me chuckle though Original Junkee n lovin it www.soundcloud.co...rnal-quest Send PMMSNWebsite	Eternal Quest Senior Therapist / Admin Posts: 825 Joined: 10.10.07 Location: UK

#5 :: Post by dark on October 12 2007 05:28:09 two men and a dog walk into a bar... ouch ouch bark! thankyou very much, im here all night! Send PM	dark Regular Bass Abuser Posts: 56 Joined: 11.10.07 Location:

#6 :: Post by Eternal Quest on October 12 2007 05:41:25 LOL! Original Junkee n lovin it www.soundcloud.co...rnal-quest Send PMMSNWebsite	Eternal Quest Senior Therapist / Admin Posts: 825 Joined: 10.10.07 Location: UK

#7 :: Post by DJ-SID-666 on October 12 2007 23:41:13 EQ wrote: What's blue and shags grannies? SID and his lucky blue jacket. Shhhhhhhhh ... !!! www.myspace.com/djsid666 MSN simon_field666@hotmail.com Send PMMSN	DJ-SID-666 Regular Bass Abuser Posts: 450 Joined: 10.10.07 Location: Carshalton U.K

#8 :: Post by JK on October 15 2007 17:47:59 Harry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that says, "Cow For Sale...$5000" He pulls in and says to the farmer, "There's no cow in the world worth five thousand dollars." The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this." He lifts the cow's tail, and Harry sees the cow has a snatch just like a woman. Harry gets back in the car, turns to his wife, and says, "It's just not fair. Here's this farmer with a cow that has a snatch like a woman and it's worth $5000, and here I am, with you, with a snatch like a cow, and you're not worth shit." Send PMMSNAIMWebsite	JK Head Therapist / SEO Posts: 332 Joined: 10.10.07 Location: St. Catharines

#9 :: Post by JK on October 15 2007 17:49:02 One day a mother was cleaning her son's room, and in the closet she found a S & M magazine. Unsure of how to confront her son, she hid the magazine until his father got home. She showed her husband what she had found while she was cleaning. He looked at the S & M magazine and handed it back to her without a word. She finally asked him, "Well, what should we do about this?" He looked back at her hesitantly and said, "Well, I don't think you should spank him." Send PMMSNAIMWebsite	JK Head Therapist / SEO Posts: 332 Joined: 10.10.07 Location: St. Catharines

#10 :: Post by JK on October 15 2007 17:51:47 An Eskimo is taking a holiday in Wales. He is driving along when his car breaks down. He looks for someone to help and a Welsh farmer sees him. 'Do you need a hand?' asks the farmer 'Yeah' says the Eskimo 'I think my cars broken down.' The farmer was looking in the Eskimo's car to find the problem. 'I think you've blown a seal' said the farmer to the Eskimo. The Eskimo replied 'So!? I think you've shagged a sheep' Send PMMSNAIMWebsite	JK Head Therapist / SEO Posts: 332 Joined: 10.10.07 Location: St. Catharines

#11 :: Post by drb on October 16 2007 18:54:28 damn ! i'm gonna spend some time to translate a few jokes... dutch ones sorry for offtopic :$ Dutch stuff is the best stuff. Send PMMSNWebsite	drb Regular Bass Abuser Posts: 19 Joined: 13.10.07 Location: Holland

#12 :: Post by Eternal Quest on October 17 2007 09:22:21 Fella goes to the doctor's and says "I need you to prescribe me the strongest Viagra there is. I've got 3 women coming around tonight and I need to satisfy them all". The doctor writes out the prescription and the man leaves. He goes back the next day and he's still got an erection. He says "Doc, i need you to prescribe Deep Heat as a matter of urgency". The Dr says "Deep Heat won't help with your erection" and the fella says "It's not for that, it's for my wrist. They never turned up" Original Junkee n lovin it www.soundcloud.co...rnal-quest Send PMMSNWebsite	Eternal Quest Senior Therapist / Admin Posts: 825 Joined: 10.10.07 Location: UK

#13 :: Post by DJ Hektik on October 21 2007 23:08:06 A Jamaican fireman came home from work one day and said to his wife, "Ya now sumptin' womon, we have a wonderful new system at de fire station... Bell1 rings - we put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings we slide down de pole. Bell 3 rings -we jump on de engine and we's ready to go. "From now on womon, when I say, 'Bell one' I want you to strip naked. When I say, 'Bell two' you jump on debed. When I say, ' Bell three' we's gonna mek luv all tru de night girl." The next night, he came home and shouted, " Bell One" and the wife stripped naked! "Bell Two" and she jumped on the bed! "Bell Three" and they started to make luv! After a few minutes, the wife yelled out, "Bell Four" "WOMON ... What de hell is Bell Four'?" he asked. She replied, "ROLL OUT MORE HOSE, MON, YOU AIN'T NOWHERE NEAR DE FIRE" Send PMMSNAIM	DJ Hektik Regular Bass Abuser Posts: 186 Joined: 10.10.07 Location: UK

#14 :: Post by FreQ on October 22 2007 01:16:37 EVIL JOKE WARNING!!!!! How do you put a dead baby in the blender? FEET FIRST How do you get him out? NACHOS! Send PMMSNAIMYahoo	FreQ Regular Bass Abuser Posts: 38 Joined: 13.10.07 Location: Columbia TN

#15 :: Post by brick on November 07 2007 13:10:57 have a look at these great answers in school tests: http://www.verfic...chultests/ I highly reccomend the essay ;-) Send PM	brick Regular Bass Abuser Posts: 350 Joined: 10.10.07 Location: South Germany

#16 :: Post by Eternal Quest on November 07 2007 17:53:00 lol @ opposite of pro = noob Original Junkee n lovin it www.soundcloud.co...rnal-quest Send PMMSNWebsite	Eternal Quest Senior Therapist / Admin Posts: 825 Joined: 10.10.07 Location: UK

#17 :: Post by DJ-SID-666 on November 12 2007 02:46:27 Sorry lita had to delete ya last post ... !!! www.myspace.com/djsid666 MSN simon_field666@hotmail.com Send PMMSN	DJ-SID-666 Regular Bass Abuser Posts: 450 Joined: 10.10.07 Location: Carshalton U.K

#18 :: Post by lita on November 29 2007 15:38:26 Got to be said in a Glaswegian accent!!! Two Glaswegians, Erchie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding. 'Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant,' says Jimmy. 'A've got everythin' organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the meenister. Even ma stag night'. Erchie nods approvingly. 'I've even bought a kilt to be married in!' continues Jimmy. 'A kilt?' exclaims Erchie, 'that's braw, you'll look pure smairt in that'! 'An' whit's the tartan?' Erchie then enquires. 'Och,' says Jimmy, 'A'd imagine she'll be in white!' lita Send PM	lita Regular Bass Abuser Posts: 115 Joined: 12.10.07 Location: uk

#19 :: Post by DJ-SID-666 on December 26 2007 15:06:48 NEVER FART IN A WET SUIT www.myspace.com/djsid666 MSN simon_field666@hotmail.com Send PMMSN	DJ-SID-666 Regular Bass Abuser Posts: 450 Joined: 10.10.07 Location: Carshalton U.K

#20 :: Post by DJ-SID-666 on January 04 2008 21:29:33 During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor" A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug . Do you want a bed near the window?" www.myspace.com/djsid666 MSN simon_field666@hotmail.com Send PMMSN	DJ-SID-666 Regular Bass Abuser Posts: 450 Joined: 10.10.07 Location: Carshalton U.K

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